Loading your comparisonโฆ
Understanding your relationship dynamic
Every couple develops a predictable pattern in conflict. Knowing yours is the first step to changing it.
the most common pairing
The Chase
One reaches, one retreats โ and the more one pushes, the more the other pulls away. Both protecting something: the Anxious partner protects the connection, the Avoidant protects calm. Each triggers exactly what the other fears.
deep closeness, fast escalation
The Spiral
Both feel loudly and neither can let things rest. There's real closeness here โ and fast, intense conflict. The risk is chasing each other's fear in circles.
anchor meets reach
The Steadying
The Secure partner's steadiness genuinely soothes the anxious pattern. The risk: Secure carries all the reassurance and quietly runs out.
reaching meets swinging
The Push-Pull
One reaches; the other swings between craving and pulling away. Cold spells read as rejection, so the Anxious partner chases harder โ which triggers more fearful retreat.